A Trip Of Pure Excess In Las Vegas

Christian January 24, 2011 1

“This Bellagio joint has a glass-enclosed dance floor surrounded by levels of VIP booths for more private partying, the details.”

Las Vegas has always been a city rich in entertainment and indulgence, and the explicit promise that everyone keeps their mouths shut about it — “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas” — is what keeps attracting men to Sin City. And nobody reaped the benefits from a gag order (at least for a while) better than Tiger Woods, who two- and three-putted regularly at the city’s nightclubs.

Of course, anyone can enjoy a long weekend in the desert oasis, but having big money to throw around will get a guy the most Sin for his City. Here’s how to have three days of pure excess in Vegas.

Thursday

5:00 P.M.

Get A Sports Car
Car service is a necessary luxury, one you’ll require once drinking starts — realistically, that means almost the whole trip — but ripping around the desert highways and cruising the Strip in a sports car is a no-brainer. Three days in a Ferrari or Lamborghini will run you about 3K from one of several exotic car rental agencies (Dream Car Rentals, Exotic Car Rentals, for example). Take it for a spin around town before dropping it off with valet at the hotel.

7:00 P.M.

The Palms Hardwood Suite
Developer George Maloof was arguably the first to blow out the concept of super luxury in Vegas with the Palms. Fantasy Suites get as expensive as $40,000 per night (for the Playboy Suite), which needless to say isn’t just a place to rest your head. Secure the Hardwood Suite, 10,000 square feet and two floors of awesome, including an indoor basketball court, professional locker room, big screen TVs, a dining room, and optional custom jerseys and cheerleaders… cheerleaders in your room that is. Shoot some hoops with your buddies and get cleaned up for dinner — this may be the last time this weekend that you can square up for a jumper without some Weekend At Bernie’s-style help.

9:00 P.M.

10 Courses At Guy Savoy
Celebrity chef restaurants reign in Vegas — there’s practically a new one opening up every month — and none serves a more luxurious meal than the French chef’s Caesars Palace offshoot of his Paris institution, Restaurant Guy Savoy. Don’t bother looking at a menu here: Order the 10-course Menu Prestige, a seasonal affair that includes such culinary riches as oysters, langoustines, crispy sea bass, foie gras, artichoke and truffle soup, and a roasted veal chop. It’s $290 per head before wine, but you came to Vegas to count cards, not expenses.

11:00 P.M.

Tiger’s Safety Deposit Box
Banks: places you deposit things with the promise that they’ll be safe and maybe earn some interest. The Bank Nightclub: a place you deposit a bunch of money and get plenty more than a few cents on the dollar. Tiger Woods, for example, found Kalika Moquin here and that paid out pretty well for a while. This Bellagio joint has a glass-enclosed dance floor surrounded by levels of VIP booths for more private partying, the details — you know, height, weight, hair color — of which club management will gladly arrange before you even roll through the foyer.

2:00 A.M.

Hustle And Flow
If you didn’t get lucky at the Bank — er, after getting lucky at the Bank — find your way just off the Strip to Larry Flynt’s newest Hustler Club. It won’t be hard: The new skin venue is 70,000 square feet and three floors of carnal exploration complete with an aerial glass catwalk, 20-plus individually decorated VIP suites, a huge roof deck, and its own adult store. Ante up for a suite and, for the love of God and your own post-Vegas dignity, turn off all mobile devices.

Friday

9:00 A.M.

Breakfast At Bouchon
It may not seem like a great idea to wake up early for breakfast, but getting the most out of a long weekend in Vegas is nary a game for the weak-willed. Bouchon Bakery is Thomas Keller’s boulangerie franchise with outposts in Yountville, California, New York City, and right here at the Venetian. Grab a cup of coffee and stuff your face with the chocolate eclairs, croissants and maybe even a lemon tart. If you have a pet or a buddy who can’t pull himself together, the foie gras-enriched dog biscuits are a hearty alternative.

10:30 A.M.

Golf At Shadow Creek
Before a redesign in 2008, Tiger Woods (and Fred Couples) held the record at the 1989 Tom Fazio-designed golf course — one of Tiger’s two records in the city, you might say. Shadow Creek was originally built exclusively for Steve Wynn and his guests, but now the admission policy is a little more liberal for those willing to shell out $500 — the kind of dough you need to shell out to play alongside Australian wallabies, quail and exotic birds imported at Wynn’s decree. If you haven’t kicked the hangover by the back nine, a view of hole 17′s island green and waterfall backdrop is a pleasant detox.

5:00 P.M.

Women Are From Here
The pool closes at 6:00 p.m., so it’s a good thing you trusted us on that Lambo. Average high temps during the summer are over 100 F, which means that getting in the pool is equal parts necessity and hanging around hot girls in bikinis. Many of the pools in Vegas are trashy, probably being peed in at this very moment; the Venus pool at Caesars Palace is no such wet calamity. It’s separate from the rest of the Garden of the Gods pool complex — all of which is actually quite nice — and more luxurious, with 11 private cabanas and a roving margarita and Mojito cart.

8:00 P.M.

Is That An Angel?
When a woman gets you a drink, it’s a nice surprise. When a woman dressed in black spandex goes Ethan Hunt on your ass to snag one of 60,000 bottles of wine, that’s Las Vegas-style excess. Charlie Palmer’s Aureole at Mandalay Bay also makes a pretty mean dish. Hit the Parallel Tasting Menu for four courses of two dishes each, including grilled Caledonian prawns hanging with day-boat scallops and Australian wagyu beef sharing turf with roasted Muscovy duck breast. There’s dessert too, which you can consider the fourth course or the first in an evening of just deserts.

11:00 P.M.

Ono At XS
You might as well make a night out of XS at Steve Wynn‘s Encore, but this evening’s visit is single-minded. The ”Ono” cocktail of Charles Heidsieck 1981 Champagne Charlie with Louis XIII de Remy Martin Black Pearl Cognac will run you a cool 10 grand. Carry on.

1:00am

Tryst Like Tiger
From XS you don’t have to travel far to aptly named Tryst Nightclub at the Wynn, another of Tiger’s prime feeding grounds and site of a rendezvous with Veronica Siwik-Daniels, aka, porn star Joslyn James. The club’s environs are suitable for your own VIP session, with plush red couches, a big dance floor next to a 90-foot waterfall and attentive bottle service.

3:00am

Spearmint Rhino
Or whenever you get there. The old Rhino is open 24/7 and more than happy to comp you a limo ride and the cost of admission, especially when you pass by the central tipping stage, drop a few bones, tuck the other one in, and rent out one of two VIP lounges and a few of the 300 dances you’ll find there on weekends. It’s generally considered the best enduring strip club in Vegas, so make sure to plan in advance to grab VIP space and avoid a 20-minute wait outside. Lines are for rubes.

Saturday

1:00 P.M.

Lunch At Joe’s
Getting up before noon on Saturday is unlikely. Joe’s Stone Crab is a Miami transplant via Caesars Palace and the epitome of what Vegas does best, food-wise: Take a concept that works well someplace else and drop it in the desert. Here that means piles of chilled stone crabs, Jonah crabs and Alaskan kings, plus all manners of potatoes and prime beef if you like steak in the morning. Your carbon footprint is huge when you eat jet-delivered meals like this in Vegas.

3:00 P.M.

Shopping At Crystals
CityCenter changed the game for luxury in Las Vegas. It’s the largest privately financed development in the United States ($11 billion, more than 16-million-square feet, on 76 acres), with LEED (Leadership in Energy & Environmental Design) certification for three of five hotels/residences — a new side of Vegas that’s almost gratuitously environmentally conscious and has become a design destination, which makes up for your damage in the other direction, sort of. Luxury shops here include Prada, Zegna, Dior, Tom Ford, YSL, and Kiki De Montparnasse — everything you’ll need to get tricked out for your last evening and to buy your girlfriend some lingerie.

6:00 P.M.

Poker At The Bellagio
With the high roller suit, a proper next stop is the poker room at the Bellagio, one of the stops on the World Poker Tour. Specifically, head to Bobby’s Room, named after the 1978 World Series of Poker champ and featuring the highest limit poker action in the world. The minimum buy-in is $20,000, so play a few big hands and then grab a cocktail at Club Prive, the high-limit lounge with an excellent selection of aged spirits like Scotch, bourbonand tequila.

8:00 P.M.

Wagyu At CUT
Wolfgang Puck was the first celebrity chef to open a restaurant in Las Vegas back in the early ‘90s. Spago is still going strong, but his steakhouse at the Palazzo is the gold standard for beef. Try the Tasting of New York Sirloin menu, which covers true Japanese Wagyu from Saga Prefecture, American Kobe-style beef and USDA Prime Dry Age from Nebraska.

12:00 A.M.

The TAO Of Tiger
One of Tiger’s better-looking conquests was Rachel Uchitel, a former VIP host at TAO nightclub at the Venetian. This club pulls more revenue — $10 million more per year — than any other joint in the United States. The Far East-themed TAO has a 10,000-square foot dance floor, women dancing in tubs, women dancing next to oversize Buddhas, women dancing next to Charles Barkley, and rentable skyboxes to make the whole deal private, minus Charles Barkley.

2:00 A.M.

Under The Radar At Discreet
X-Gamers T.J. Lavin and Carey Hart put their heads together and came up with just the thing Vegas needed: another strip joint. As the nameindicates, Discreet Gentleman’s Club trades in prudence. It’s a small space by Vegas standards, with no cell phones, no cameras and a VIP floor of “discreet suites” with private booths closed in by smoked glass doors. To make sure the lid is sealed nice and tight, all receipts from Discreet read “Casino Cash Advance.”